Okay. Trust me, this isn't being written out of bitterness. I am well aware that I do not run one of the 50 most powerful blogs in the world...yet.
HOWEVER.
Today, The Observer ran an article listing the apparent
50 most powerful blogs in the world, and it's the biggest load of crap ever to be written. Sorry, but it is.
For example, while I love
The Huffington Post...it's not the the most powerful blog
IN THE WORLD.
Some (most) of these blogs I have never even heard of, and the fact of the matter is, I'm a professional blogger, so I sort of spend a lot of time reading other blogs.
And seriously, as much as we all love Lolcats, would you really consider Icanhascheezburger the 8th most powerful blog IN THE WORLD??!
A lot of the usual suspects are on this list, such as Dooce, Boing Boing, Gawker and Perez Hilton (which I'm pretty sure, Observer, is two words...) but I wonder why Engadget is all the way at 16
after TMZ, when it's consistently number 1 on Technorati.
There are a couple other blogs that while I'm glad these folks have been added to the list, I fail to see how they're one of the most powerful blogs
in the world. I'll just leave it at that, through fear of offending anyone.
However, I think the blog on this list that angers me the most rests at number 22...
Mother fucking Jezebel.
Firstly, how a blog that hasn't even been live for a year is the 22nd most powerful blog in the universe is beyond me.
Secondly, are you fucking joking?
I understand that Jezzie is a huge cash/hype cow for Gawker as they're the most popular mainstream blog out there that claims to be feminist and acts as though they're the first female bloggers ever to be paid to call bullshit on The Daily Mail or notice that female celebs are OMG AIRBRUSHED on the covers of fashion mags.
I understand that a lot of women love this blog and think it's the best thing since Lip Venom, but for realzies, I call bullshit.
BULLSHIT.
I know I'm probably supposed to keep my mouth shut through fear of committing professional suicide, but seeing as for the last year that they've been existence they've not once linked back to that blog I run, despite covering story after story after story that I, and a couple other feminist blogs, have covered before they did and act like it's a completely original piece, or only link back to people like The NY Times.
I'm not asking for much. All I'm asking is why they think they're above common blogging courtesy rituals and why they can't be bothered to do the polite and respectable thing and pull their well-manicured finger out of their coke encrusted nose for two seconds and LINK THE FUCK BACK TO US.
I get that most of this probably has to do with the fact that earlier last year I posted something calling bullshit on Gawker God N*** D***** for saying on his personal blog that "women must have finally discovered blogs" and that's why Jezebel was so popular.
All I said that I sincerely hope he was joking, or something to that affect, and the bastard must have Google Alerts set up on his name, as less than an hour later he fucking leaves me some stupid as comment letting me know that, um, HELLLO LITTLE GIRL, here at Gawker we're IRONIC and so me saying that was, like, IRONIC and stuff and GOD why don't you get a SENSE OF HUMOUR and wake up to how fucking IRONIC we are all the time.
Anyway.
Aside from my personal bitterness towards them, chew on this:
They have a regular feature called Pot Psychology where regular Jezebel contributor Slut Machine gets stoned with one of her friends,(probably some other Gawker dude that I don't know or give a shit about) and then video tapes her and her buddy answering Jezebel reader's questions whenever they can manage to stop laughing at how wildly hilarious they are for video taping themselves - STONED.
Look, if this were actually funny, I'd be down with it. But seriously? The entire time its' like you can tell that they can't even believe that they're, like, actually getting paid to do shit like that.
But anyway, I digress. It was this week's installment of Pot Psychology that really fucking pissed me off.
So, Slut Machine is stoned out of her mind and then they read aloud a question from a reader who asks if they need to do an enema before they have anal sex. Slut Machine responds that while she's mostly constipated all the time, she then goes on to let us know that, actually, every time she's done anal, she's just done "a lot of coke" first, and that usually "cleans her out". Plus she'd rather do "coke than have an enema any day".
But wait! There's more!
Another reader writes in to ask for advice because she's on anti-depressants and The Pill and has no sex drive. Immediately Slut Machine's stoned pal says, "I really don't think your qualified to give medical advice", but she gives it a go anyway. SM responds that there are "different forms of birth control besides the pill" and her friend interjects that The Rhythm Method works quite well.
Then she goes on to say that "I haven't been pregnant in a while...but the last time I was pregnant I was actually on The Pill" AND THEN MY EYES ROLLED INTO THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND I HAD TO STOP WATCHING.
Seriously?? SERIOUSLY???!?!!!?!
And BEFORE you lay into me about how she's JUST BEING IRONIC and GAWKER IS KNOWN FOR BEING IRONIC, please spare me. That girl is not witty or sober enough to pull off ironic, dry humor like that. Girlfriend was serious about that, and serious about taking coke as she regularly writes about her escapades about who she fucks and how they fucked and what drugs she took.
And, the thing about being pregnant. How can anyone possibly think of this blog as being powerful or informative and take them seriously when they write about "how, like, fucked up it is" that there are still people in the government that would like to see Roe vs Wade overturned when they have some dumbass writing about how she's had god knows how many abortions.
Hi Anti-Abortionists! Meet your new best friend!
Even scarier? All the commenters fucking love it. They write about how they "fucking love her" and how she's "fucking amazing" and how her "pregnancy joke" was so funny...um, not a joke Shirley!!!!
All in all, I find this list to be one massively long piece of shit. It's like they asked their team of 10 people it took to compile that list to just list off some blogs that they've heard of or blogs that they subscribe to their RSS feeds. Or does your friend edit that blog? Sweet, we'll add it to the list...
Also, may I just point out, that one of the morons that helped misquote me and a bunch of other women in their New Feminists piece that I was featured in helped write this. She who does not believe in interviewing people with tape recorder, but just writing down half of every third sentence they say with a pencil on a cocktail napkin.
All I'm sayin' is that maybe The Observer should have spent a little more time and thought and effort into WHO they should be crediting as being the most powerful blogs in the world. Jesus. Maybe I'll start doing my own videos featuring me after I've done crystal meth and then go talk to school children about abstinence only education. That'd be a hoot! Could I be powerful then, too?! DOING ILLEGAL DRUGS AND THEN GIVING ADVICE IS HILARIOUS.
WOW I HAVEN'T RANTED LIKE THAT IN A LONG TIME. Feeeeelllssss goooooood.
So, who would you have liked to have seen on the list?
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