Never Be Disappointed By A Dick Again!

My old therapist once told me that I expected too much from people.

I expected people to do what I'd do...

Or what I'd think any *normal* person would do...

Which is absolutley ridiculous

You can't take it personally and get upset that people let you down.

You must unclench and sort of accept that said person is doing the best that they know how to do.

You need to trust people to be and do what they do best...

Which is probably TO BE A DICK.

Martha Beck recently wrote a story for Oprah Magazine (oh yes, I'm going there) about trust: trusting yourself and trusting everyone else.

It may sound silly to trust anyone and everyone, but the thing to remember is that you're not trusting them, your trusting their behavior. The philosopher Lao Tzu wrote:

"The Master…trusts people who are trustworthy. She also trusts people who aren't trustworthy. This is true trust." 

Beck points out that you may think that this is an incredibly stupid idea and to just trust everyone is naive. Don't take candy from strangers and all that.

But she explains what Tzu actually meant, perfectly:

"...If someone in your life [is] perpetually failing to keep promises, tell the truth, quit drinking, or show compassion, this is exactly what you can depend on them to keep doing. "

Isn't that awesome?

When I read that, I was so excited I almost wanted to take a shot of tequila to commemorate the moment.

People will act how they've always acted. Except for rare exceptions (who are mostly people who have done extensive therapy)  people do not change. 

The situations and circumstance surrounding these people will change. But the basis of how they are, how they behave and - most importantly!! - how they treat you will not. 

How many times have you met women who are in a relationship and declare,"Oh, well when we move things will change and be better."

A friend who says, "When I finally get a new job I'll be much happier. When I get that new job, it'll be a new me."

And then when the couple finally do move, or your friend does get a new job...it's something else. They're the same person in a new job. They're the same couple in a new city.

Situations change, behaviors rarely do.

The majority of people you know will never change or alter in the way they treat you. 

That bitch who is in it for herself will always be sweet as pie when you're of use to her, and will drop you like it's (not) hot when she no longer needs your services. (Contacts, network, affiliation, etc).

Your friend who loves to gossip with you who also love to gossip about you. She's never going to stop running her mouth.

Your other "friend" who never wants to rock the boat is certainly never going to stand up and rock the boat for you, no matter how "awesome" she thinks you are.

All of these things are frustrating and sometimes maddening...but when you start trusting people to behave exactly how they always behave, you can unclench. You can stop being disappointed.

It's not you. It's them.

And they're a dick.

Psychos are psychos, assholes are assholes, and fairweathered friends will always be there when the sun's shiny and no where to be seen when they have to pick a side that might cause people to *GASP* not like them.

People don't grow back bones and consciouses and maturity over night. 

If ever.

So stop holding you breath and hoping that people will change. Simply trust them for who and what they are.

A twat.

Image via www.leofuchs.com

Comments

[Diane]

Oh, so true (ps: I love Martha Beck) but so hard to put into practice, I've found.

I agree that therapy is usually the only catalyst for change. x

[Sean]

I won't be playing Martha beck at Poker any time soon then.