Do you ever get that feeling when you run into someone that you haven't seen for a while and clearly their attitude towards you has changed for the worse?
It's easy to brush that uneasy feeling under the carpet.
"Oh, I'm just being silly. _____ knows me! Why would they be weird with me when I haven't even seen them for a long time?"
But then that uneasy feeling explodes in your face when said person suddenly goes,
"So. I hear you hate Carol/slept with George/told Jenny you never want to see her again and then called her a Fat Demonic Bitch?"
Um, hello personal information!
It's a really odd feeling when you suddenly realize you're in the presence of someone who has been told complete bullshit about you.
And when private details or rumours about you suddenly are brought to light by an acquaintance, friend or sometimes someone you don't even know, it can hit you like a ton of bricks.
Especially if it's happened more than once.
That's the thing about rumors and gossip, is that they always get around and back to the person they're about.
With Twitter and Facebook and Google Latitude being the Stalk & Goss applications du jour, the rumour mill is not only digital, but 100x faster than it used to be.
When you catch wind (in the form of a thinly veiled tweet or otherwise) of a rumour or false speculation about yourself, the first question that pops to mind is usually, "Why?"
Why the fuck would someone do that?
Who spends their days spreading fabricated ideas about someone else's private or professional life? I mean, surely, these people have something better to do with their time, right?
Wrong.
They don't.
Those who spend their time spreading gossip and lies are obsessed with Impression Management, and it's a full time job.
They don't accidentally spill your secrets. They don't innocently "get confused" when repeating and/or inventing a story about you. It's never "unintentional" when they tell carefully and strategically chosen people a juicy little nugget of information about you. It's not coincidental that they told someone something about you that when taken out of context, makes you look like the bad guy.
It's calculated. It's malicious. And it's on fucking purpose.
But the good part is, is that this isn't about you. It's not what you did to them. It's simply just about them, and how they look. By managing the impression others get about you, they're really managing others' perception about them.
They tell people who already don't like you whatever hot gossip they can get their hands on, because it keeps those people hating you... and liking them.
They tell your contacts and professional acquaintances what a bitch you are, in hopes that they'll go, "Oh gosh! I can't believe that. She always seemed so nice. Thanks so much for warning me about her!" And then BAM! They're the savior. The good guy.
Now don't you want to work with me, rather than her?
Impression managed! They've made you look bad, and themselves look good. Ding-fucking-dong.
However, those that love to run their mouths are so arrogant and obsessed with themselves, that they don't realize that there are quite a few people who have minds of their own.
Ever have a friend where all you do when you were together was gossip?
Sure, we all do it. But what if that's all you do when you're together? What's the ratio of gossip to actual real life things in a conversation with them?
Lots of people like to pretend that they're neutral and are unaffected by Gossipers.
"Oh, I know ____ hates you, but really, I'm neutral. I have my own opinion of you..."
This is hardly ever true. And you can see it happening.
Suddenly the Chronic Gossiper who just happens to love running their mouth about you is hanging out with your coworkers. Your acquaintances. Your friends.
Like they could resist keeping their mouth shut!
Those who aren't smart enough to question the validity of what the Gossip is saying, and therefore the character of someone who constantly runs their mouth, aren't very good at being neutral. Their true colors fly whether they want them to or not, and there's a fine line between sitting on the fence and being a two-faced shit talker.
The sad fact is when you're friends with a divorced couple, you can't stay friends with both. Not really. Friendly maybe, but not close friends.
Fact.
It can be truly frustrating when people you were once close with think they're capable of neutrally and diplomatically perching on the fence - while surrounding themselves with those that can't help but spew bullshit and slander whenever the opportunity rises.
But there's nothing you can do.
If someone is smart enough to stop, think, and question The Gossip, and come to you and ask for the truth because:
a) they think you should know what's being said
b) and generally care about the truth because they respect you
... and not because they're acting as a spy and information collector for the Rumour Mill - than fine. It's actually a relief when someone bothers to come to you first, before believing and then spreading a story about you.
As for the rest of them, fuck it. If they choose to believe things about you, it's because they want to. They want to believe bad things about you and are just looking for an excuse - any excuse - to hate you.
That, or they're too pussy to form an actual opinion for themselves. They're too afraid of having someone gasp! not like them.
Can you trust people like that?
I'm not saying everything needs to be black and white and cliquey all over - but if you know and are apparently friends with someone - why would you so publicly and obviously associate yourself with a group of people who hate them? Or someone who would so willingly run their mouth about someone you (supposedly) respect?
You can judge others by the company they keep, and I most certainly do.
Diplomacy and neutrality are both fabulous things...
But when you rendezvous with The Gossip, how do can you be sure that you haven't been compromised?
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