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Go Scramble Your Own Eggs

Yesterday, I became an Aunt.

My brother-in-law and his girlfriend brought a gorgeous but tiny little girl into the world. It was the first time in ages I've held an infant, and the first time I've ever held a human being that was just over 12 hours old. 

She laid in the crook of my arm, sleeping soundly. Her face would twist up into a angry pout whenever I had to adjust my arm, she'd point and kick her toes whenever I tickled her feet, and she made tiny squeaky noises as she dreamed. 

Dreamed about what? I'm not sure. Probably the trauma of coming out of someone's vag and being forced to do something other than float around in placenta all day. 

It's a hard life. 

I purchased tiny pink clothing yesterday for the first time as an adult. I had serious conversations about labour and epidurals and the horrors of childbirth. (Yes. Some of those things are horrific. There's no other way to put it. Having stitches in your lady parts? HORRIFIC.)

There were parts of me that felt like I was very much just pretending to have a very adult conversation. Surely I'm too young to have in-laws and never mind a niece! But it all seemed and came very natural. I'm an Aunt now. 

And, one of my good friends has a 2-year-old girl. I went to a playground on Friday where they only let adults accompanied by children in. Being around a 2-year-old has been good for me, I think. It shows what life is like after the breastfeeding and the stitches and the shock of being a mother. 

Hanging out with a 2-year-old with a ton of personality, that's active and talkative and says funny things is fun. Fun for me, because I don't have to deal with the temper tantrums and "terrible 2" antics. 

My life went from being completely child-free and rolling my eyes at the loud ass kids and the mothers with the huge ass buggies in Starbucks, to shouting at Taxis drivers who don't slow down enough to let me, my friend, and her 2-year-old who insists on walking along side the buggy, instead of in it, cross the street. 

Has all of this made me broody? Does all of this make me go, "Oh, it would be nice to have one of those?" 

No. No it doesn't. 

I Only Have Maternal Feelings for Websites

If people can post photos of their babies with food all over their face, drooling, and sleeping - simply because they are proud - I think I can be proud, too. 

I think my child is looking particularly gorgeous today. Sometimes the right combination of lead photos and stories just does it for me. Like your child wearing a political T-shirt that you know its grandparents would hate. 

Please feel free to print this out and put it on your fridge. Don't even be surprised if this is what your Christmas card from me will look like this year.*

*As if I'll remember to send Christmas cards. 

Don't Call it a Comeback

You know that feeling when you meet someone really hot, smart, funny that happens to have the same favorite color as you (and! whose star sign is totally compatible with yours - not that you checked or anything...)?

You feel all warm and fuzzy. You can't sleep. Your mind whirls! You're grinning! You're spinning! And then they totally just texted you to say good night and that they loved meeting you and then SNAP! now you can't sleep?

The next morning, you still have that feeling. You try to tell yourself that this feeling will wear off. If you give it too much attention, it will suddenly be like, "Dude, I'm just like a sugar rush, I will leave you! Leave you feeling cold, broken and disappointed!" And then it will spit on your shoes.

If you try to examine it, awknowledge it, or even tell anyone else, surely this feeling will fade. 

You will stop spinning and twirling and looking at everything with new life.

It's like tying to hold on to giant bubble. It will either pop in your face, or blow away and then pop. Either way, you will be sans bubble. 

This is how I feel. I've not felt this way since I met Iain, decided that I wanted to move to London, and then just fucking did it. No money. No job. Just a loose plan and my gut feeling that everything was going to work out.

Maybe developing a normal life over here smooshed that feeling a little bit. Maybe I fell into old habits. Maybe I got tunnel vision. Maybe I got so run down that my swift-kicking inner fighter decided to take a nap or go on auto-pilot. 

But yesterday, it was like she woke up. 

And I went... OH. That's what I've been missing. 

It's like my anger ate her. My fear had sewn her lips shut. And then the psychological shit that everyone has dumped on me over the past two years cut off her balls. 

The poor dear. 

I don't want to say "the bitch is back" or that it's a "comeback". I don't know if she's really back, but it's like I heard her drop her house keys on the table and drop off her laptop bag in the bedroom. I can feel her here. 

I'm afraid of scaring her off, bursting the bubble, that I'm just going to let her lurk around the house and my psyche, and make herself at home. I'll ask her about rent and shit when I now she's settled and for sure staying for a while. 

I suppose this is just my peace offering to her. I'm sorry that I silenced her. I'm sorry she got lost. I'm sorry that I let people chip away at her after I did so much work to get her here in the first place. 

So, here's my white flag. 

I'm listening.

Ready when you are.

Photo is on my flight over to the UK, when I moved in 2006. 

Why We Now Need More Women Building the Social Web

Mashable reported today that there are more women than men in "Social Web".

Unsurprisingly, there are more men than women using Digg, and Information is Beautiful report that 64% of their users are male. 

But when it comes to Twitter, Bebo, Flickr, Facebook, Ning, and a whole bunch of social networks I've never even heard of - "women rule". 

Cue the gasps and RTs and !!!!1!!!!s. 

While this is a cool bit of information, it doesn't really come as a surprise. 

Back in August 2007 there was an article in The Guardian about new findings by Ofcom and the   "feminization of the Internet":

Among 25- to 34-year-olds, women now spend more time using the internet than men, according to the Ofcom report published today. Although men account for the majority of web time in most other age groups, women have also taken a slight but significant lead in the 35-49 bracket.

Even before the Ofcom report in August 2007, eMarketer was reporting in April 2007 that: "women outnumber men online, and it's likely to stay that way", projecting that the near future, almost 72% of women will be online:

Not only do females make up the majority of Internet users, but more of the female population goes online. This year, an estimated 66.2% of US females ages 3 and older will use the Internet at least once a month, compared with 64.2% of males, according to eMarketer. By 2011, 72.1% of females are expected to go online, vs. 69.3% of males.

So, it's no surprise that women are taking over in the "social" web spaces. Especially as blogging is a huge part of the "social web" and women, surprise surprise, were kicking ass in that area as well. 

Back in April 2008, there was a BlogHer survey conducted by Compass Partners that found just how much blogging influenced women. It found that 40% of the women asked considered blogs a "reliable source of advice and information", and that 50% said that blogs even influenced their purchasing decisions.

The sheer number of women blogging and participating in the social aspect of blogging was pretty astounding:

"36.2 million female US Internet users actively participate in blogs every week with 15.1 million publishing at least one post a week and 21.1 reading and commenting at least weekly."

That's a lot of women participating in blogging. 

So, excuse me if I wasn't shocked and awed that therefore more women were using Twitter than men. Or Facebook. Or even fucking Bebo. 

What this information did make me think was: "Then why the fuck aren't more women working at the companies that create and develop these social networks?"

Yes. I am making this about women in tech. No, they are not separate. They are very much the same.

Why? Let's see. This week I attended FOWA - The Future of Web Applications - a tech conference where the ratio women to men was about 2:10 (if I'm being generous) that had a whopping TWO female speakers. 

If women are using the social web more than men, then they're using those "social" web apps more than men. (Hello, Flickr. )

So why were only men preaching and teaching about the different aspects of web applications?

If women are using Twitter and Myspace and Facebook more than men, why aren't more women working on the creation and development of these sites?

If I were the editor of a magazine, and I suddenly realized that we had more female than male readers, and my staff was predominantly male, as an editor, that tells me that we should throw in a few female writers, just so the minds creating the product match the consumers of the product a little bit better. 

JUST A THOUGHT.

If more women are using the social web, shouldn't we have more females on staff at the start-ups and companies who are building the social web?

People get so unbelievable defensive when you point this out. As if you are belittling them and their hard work by suggesting that more women should be working at start-ups. 

No one is asking to chop off one of your balls by suggesting more women should be working in tech. 

No one is suggesting that a woman could do your job better.

I'm suggesting that if you have a diverse audience, your team should reflect that. PLAIN AND FUCKING SIMPLE.

Also, ladies, why so defensive?

No one is suggesting that you only got your job by sleeping with someone if you are a woman in tech. No one is belittling your hard work. 

But let me get this straight...

You don't think you've EVER been treated differently in technology because you're a woman? 

You don't think someone has ever decided to talk to you, hand you their business card, meet up for a business chat because they thought you were attractive?

No one ever decided to watch one of your online videos because of your cleavage?

Or is it that you don't want people thinking that things have been harder for you as a woman in tech, because then they might figure out that things have actually been easier for you?

That maybe a door opened that wouldn't have done if you were a male, scruffy developer type?

Nope. You can't admit that there is any difference, because if you do, people might find out your dirty little secret right? That you actually like being the only girl? That it gets you more attention that way? That it makes you stand out more?

Just a theory. 

If you have been given different or special opportunities in tech or any other profession - good for you. Why look a gift horse in the mouth? Run with it. 

Just bear in mind that you now have a huge responsibility on your hands. 

You have to work your ass off and never, ever give anyone reason to suggest that you didn't work for or don't deserve the position you're in. Don't be lazy. Don't be a dick. (Because they could just have easily hired one, right?)

Now, I presume, you are going to launch into why there are enough women in tech, why it's women's fault that there aren't more women in tech, if more women wanted to be in tech than they would be, etc. 

Why are't there more women in tech? It's both men and women's faults. It's a problem that is complex, diverse, infuriating, and can be traced back to parents, schools, and our culture as a whole. 

My point is this:

Having more women than men in the social web means that there should be more women in IT and development and yes, tech marketing to reflect that. 

The team reflecting its audience. 

It's not that ridiculous of a concept, is it?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/notionscapital/ / CC BY 2.0