I think I'm going to start charging a fee for every person I have to deal with that just doesn't get it.
Whether it's in life, in work, or even sometimes in play... the amount of time I've wasted trying to get people to understand the web, my work, or how I work is mind-blowing.
As a blogger (because, even though I run my own site, I'm still not a journalist, and am technically a blogger) people just assume you don't really know what you're doing. I think I've carved a pretty good reputation for myself as far as work and writing goes - but not everyone I deal with knows that.
But all the print people don't know that. Advertisers don't know that. PR people don't know that.
(I realize that there are print/advertising/and PR folk who really DO get bloggers and the web and are fabulous beyond all belief, but for this post, I'm only talking about the ones that do my fucking head in, OK?)
So when I say, "Oh our readership is like this and like that and will respond to this!" or "People on Google aren't searching for 'periwinkle German flip-flops' so maybe we shouldn't title the post that"..." I tend to find that people just don't believe me.
I'm wrong. I don't know what I'm talking about.
I'm a blogger. I'm a girl. I'm not a journalist, I don't have a BA in Knowing Everything, surely YOU are the advertiser, YOU are the journalist, YOU are the PR and YOU are KEEPER OF THE GATES OF WEB KNOWLEDGE so therefore I should just listen to you.
And why is this?
Oh. Because there are tons of really, really stupid bloggers out there.
Despite it being almost 45 minutes to midnight on Day 1 of the challenge, I'm still sticking to my pledge of posting every single fucking day in November.
Why would I make such a pledge, you ask?
For the past two years, I've read Eden Kennedy's blog, Fussy, who, I do believe, created this insane blog challenge. It's an online/less complicated version of National Novel Writing month, in which lots of people write really shitty novel in a month, or something like that
Personally, I feel that a novel will take me a bit more than a month, and I happen to think I'm pretty good at this whole blogging thing, so I'll stick to that for now.
Anyway, Mrs. Kennedy and other bloggers such as Maggie Mason have participated in this challenge, and I always miss the start date, or find myself to be *too busy* to blog for 30 days in a row.
But! This year I got the memo on time, and I've been having major Bloggers Guilt (kinda like Catholic Guilt but with more typing and less Haily Marys) about how desolate my beloved VOX blog has been...so I caved.
I mean, I've been blogging every single day for the past 2 years for work - so why not get back in the groove of blogging every day for pleasure?
I would love it if I could get up every morning, and even before I checked my email - or frantically check my Blackberry - I sat down to write about what's going on in my head. A funny story from the day before. I dream I had that night, or what prevented me from sleeping.
It may not always be exciting. It may not always be profound or make you laugh or even make you like me very much - but I miss blogging for the love of it.
Don't get me wrong. I do love blogging. It's what I do, and a huge part of who I am.
But blogging for me and about me is something I don't get to do every day, and as a writer, I feel that if I don't express myself here, online, for anyone who Googles my name or has this blog in their RSS feed to see and read...I get this strange sort of emotional, creative constipation that leads to sleepless nights and bottled up emotions.
(Don't even get me started on the expressive diarrhea.)
I hope that in pledging online to do this every day, for the next 29 days will help me find my bloggers groove.
I've been keeping a juicy, titillating secret from you the past six months.
Her name isBitchBuzz, and she is going to be your new favorite website. Trust me.
BitchBuzz is written by myself and a group of passionate, feisty writers that are fed up with blogs and magazines for women that promise to be different, and end up making us feel like crap.
We're not interested in being perfect feminists: We knit, we bake, we fuck, and we blog. In short, we do whatever makes us happy and encourage other women to do the same.
We're going live on August 4th! Join the BitchBuzz group on Facebook and become our fan! Befriend us on Myspace, follow us on Twitter, and drool over our photos on Flickr. Stalk us! Love us! Read us!
We're currently looking for more writers to join the team, so please let me know if you're interested!
Currently, I'm sitting smugly in my office and pumping my fist in the air because FINALLY it would appear that the world and the rest of the *feminist* blogosphere are finally waking up to the fact that Jezebel is run by a bunch of fucking morons.
I've disliked them for a long time for various reasons:
They repeatedly stole content I wrote on Dollymix and NEVER linked back to me. They ignored the friendly emails I'd sent them. They glorify drug use. They exude this overly snarky, exclusive Gawker-ish attitude and stick their nose up at smaller blogs.
Yet for some reason tons of women like them, and even media outlets like Fox News act as if they are the first group of women to ever blog about women's issues. My god, those Jezebels are different! They're apparently anti-"body snarking" (like hell they are) and delete mean comments! (Or, comments that criticize them.)
I've always had a problem with them, I've always stood by the fact that they're not as revolutionary as everyone would like you to think they are. I've always felt as if they don't actually give a shit about women's issues, and LO AND BEHOLD IT WOULD SEEM THAT I AM RIGHT.
The blogosphere is on fire with comments and complaints and anger from Jezebel readers and other feminist bloggers...and, you know, women who don't believe rape is a joke, and don't give interviews on serious issues drunk off their ass. (And say things like if you get raped then you just "live through it" or "I guess I regret being date raped".)
Tracie Egan and Moe Tkcaik went on Lizzie Winstead's show Thinking And Drinking to discuss "sexuality, feminism, freedom, power and responsibility". According to Lizzie, both women were both given information about the nature of the show and what they would be talking about, and Lizzie explained that:
"Tracie assured us she would be cool with anything we talked about in the feminist, political arena, that she was an expert on China, and that they had been talking a lot about rape lately."
Sounds great, right?
Watch the clips above (if you can stomach it) and I'll give you £20 if your head doesn't explode.
A great moment for me was when Tracie explained that women shouldn't just get abortions instead of using birth control because it's "too much of a pain". I also enjoyed when Moe explained that she didn't turn in the guy who date raped her and "go through fucking shit" because it was "a load of trouble" and because she "had better things to do, like drinking more".
Tracie "Slut Machine" Egan (who I have talked massive shit about before, then felt bad, and apologized to her in an email and a column which she never responded to and now greatly regret ever doing so) said that she "hates talking about rape" and that she knows it happens to "smart girls" but that, personally, she's never been "put in that situation" and she's had "lots and lots and lots of sex". (Also, she "doesn't hang out with frat guys".)
She thinks this is down to like, you know, like maybe "education" and because she's just "smart about it". Then, Tracie retracts these statements and defends herself by saying that
"i really, really, really didn't want to talk about rape, and i said so on stage. i also admitted that i can't relate to the whole issue because i've never been raped, and couldn't begin to understand what that's like... i was trying to keep my mouth shut during that whole discussion. (at one point, i even put my head in my hands.)"
Hmmmm....so, who is it that needs some education on rape again? It is ye old Slut Machine who says stupid, horrendous shit about rape because she "can't relate to it" - or is it the women who have been raped?
WHAT. THE FUCKKKKKK!?!?!?!?!?!
Also, if you were wondering who the rapists of our generation are like, Moe and Tracie, like, totally know and shit:
Tracie: "I live in Williamsburg, there aren't very assertive men there"
Moe: "The thing about the rapists of our generation, is that they all use drugs, they all have some sort of drug they use on you, so it's good to feel, and I don't know if this has happed to me or if I just drink too much...
Moe: "It's really hard to prosecute them (rapists), so you should try to avoid them at all costs."
Tracie: "I once paid someone to rape me once."
Tracie: "Well, I didn't pay for it, I had a magazine pay for it
Tracie: "I moved here when I was 18 and you think you would encounter more rapists in a big city like this, but, I don't know, I just haven't."
Personally, if it were up to me, and they were my writers, I would have them fucking fired. But, I suppose Nick Denton is too high and mighty to do that. (Wonder how long it will take for his Google Alert to pick up on what I said and for how long it will take for him to leave me another comment about how Gawker is so IRONIC and FUNNY and how they were JUST KIDDING AND BEING IRONICAL.)
They're the two most popular editors of a WOMEN'S ISSUES blog that has loads of traffic and that tons of women (blindly...maybe stupidly) trust, and here they are, wasted, and talking flippantly about date rape and how rape is basically a woman's fault.
Fuck you, Jezebel and an even bigger fuck you to Gawker Media.
I'm not saying that they should only employ people who report rape or who are "perfect feminists", but Jesus-Fucking-Christ. Wake the fuck up and smell the responsibility you have as a role model for women. (And YES, you are a role model whether you wanted to be or not.)
A fucking million points to Lizzie Winstead for screaming at them about how their entire blog is based off of EMULATION. On The Huffington Post and Shoot The Messenger, Lizzie Winstead expressed her disgust with Moe and Tracie by saying:
I don’t know if they came to the show drunk, or just ended up drunk by the time they hit the stage, but what I do know is that the discussion that ensued was deeply disturbing to me for a few reasons:
Because they had no regard for the people who came that night and paid money to hear them speak. They do not understand the influence they have over the women who read them, nor do they accept any responsibility as role models for young women who are coming of age searching for lifestyles to emulate.
Words and actions matter, and those of us who are given a forum to share opinion should always be mindful of that, and those of us who are trying to be watchdogs for the truth, should always call out harmful inaccuracies when we see them. I feel a responsibility to hold these young women accountable for the statements they make as they seem sure to keep repeating them.
As a perfect example of the power these two bloggers have, when one college student expressed her criticism and disappointment with the Jezebels, Tracie and Moe left a comment on her blog defending themselves, she backpedaled and made excuses for the pair. Apparently poor Tracie just doesn't like talking about rape! It's not her fault!
To be fair, as she pointed out in the comments of this post, Tracie was very skittish about discussing the topic of rape because she fully admitted she knows nothing about it. The whole discussion was just very awkward.
And also, it's not their fault they were drunk and saying stupid things! They thought it was a comedy show! Like ,why the hell were they made to talk about all that serious stuff!?
...This show was supposed to be a COMEDY show, which explains why all the intensity took me by surprise, and also kind of explains why Moe and Tracie weren't necessarily prepared. I don't think any of us were ready for the maelstrom of seriousness hurled at the panel/audience.
I don't care what the fuck kind of show you're on, you DO NOT imply that women who have been raped just weren't being SMART ENOUGH or say that if you're raped, you just "live through it".
These women are SO MISINFORMED. And here they are, in the position to reach out to thousands and millions of women online who are starved for something real, for something honest and funny and different....
And they've obviously just shit all over it and shown their true colors.
A few weeks ago, the fine folks at Berocca announced that they were going to take pity on all the strung-out, un-showered Bloggers across the UK by creating a Blogger's Relief Pack. (For those of you in the US, Berocca is brand of multivitamin effervescent tablets that are not only good for you, but they perk you right up. They're also a Magical Hangover Cure. Trust me.)
As I am currently a rather stressed out Blogger, and haven't showered in days - nay, weeks! - I thought I would simply hand over my email address, URL and credit card details in hopes that they would take pity on my poor, blogger soul and send me the much coveted Blogger Relief Pack.
So, it was to my utter joy when my Blackberry buzz-buzzed last week, alerting me that Berocca had sent me an email, confirming that I was in dire need of some TLC - in the form of various USB toys and, of course, certain effervescent vitamin supplement.
Today The Pack arrived, and "excited" doesn't even begin to describe how I felt when I opened a rather large cardboard box to find this:
Ta-dah!!!! And! AND! Look what was inside!
How much do you want to be able to punch that STRESS button? Trust me. It is exhilarating as this is what happens:
Ahhhhhhhh yeaaaaaah.
Thanks, Berocca!
(Now can you please explain to me that every time I use one of your nifty tablets, my pee turns bright orange?)
I apologize for my once-a-week posting, but, there's a lot going on at the moment; most of which can't be talked about. A lot of it is because there is far too much cross-over between my "real life" and my "online life", and although the whole "neighborhood only", "friends only", "friends and family" settings on VOX are fantastic...if I feel like I need to constantly downgrade, upgrade and kick people out of my neighborhood just so I can have some expression and release...I can't really decide if it's worth all the effort or not.
There are all of 2-3 people that I can really talk openly and honestly with about all that's going on at the moment, and for that I'm grateful - but I truly do miss being fearlessly open online. Of course, I always had my boundaries (no personal family talk, no airing out my dirty, marital laundry online) but I've felt all muted and censored lately. There's nothing wrong with having to watch what I say, as I know I'm making the right decision, but I just being able to FUCKING TALK.
It's like, there's so many companies and organizations and bloggers and journalists that I just want to rage on about...but I'm in such a vulnerable position I can't really afford to piss anybody off.
Does that make me weak and subservient to The Networking Gods? Or just smart?
Does anybody else feel like the Internet is just claustrophobic lately? It just kills me that I used be in this fantastic little bubble where I could slag off some idiot journalist who did something shitty and laughable one minute, and now I do the same thing and realize that we have 8 "mutual friends" on Facebook and follow the same people on Twitter and have high music compatibility on LastFM. SERIOUSLY?
Am I losing my balls or and caring too much what others think? I wish I had the clarity to know for sure at the moment.
I have a feeling it's just this awkward transition period that I'm in the middle of. Or maybe it's that fucking Mercury Retrograde everyone on here is always banging on about. Can I blame it on Mercury? Is he retrograding at the moment? What does that even mean?
Thanks to everyone for their job suggestions and concern for my ability to afford food in the next few months. I really am okay, and I've accepted the fact that a Magical CEO is not going to email me and offer me the most fantastic blogging job of all time that allows me to work from home whenever I want, and get paid £500 a day AND get paid ON TIME!
The Universe is leaving me to figure this out myself. I'm up for the challenge, it's just just a shame my mojo is only running on half power at the moment.
Hi! It's me. Cate. CupCate. Of the London CupCates.
Here's the thing, homie...
I was made redundant at my job last week.
I'm there for another month, as I've agreed to do some very limited freelancing work on ye old Dollymix in June, and then after that, I'm broke, I mean, 100% open and available for new freelancing work.
Shit like this happens when you're freelance. The economy's bad at the moment (so I hear) and things are looking a little dull over here in the UK blogging industry. For example, please observe what happens when you Google "UK Blogging Jobs":
Yeah. I know, right?!
While there are no hard feelings and I understand that the company I worked for for the past year and a half "feel that we can no longer pay your incredibly inflated salary and support your extravagant lifestyle", it still sucks.
It sucks like...
...when you know you're in a relationship that is eventually going to end because either one of you doesn't want kids and/or you haven't had sex in 3.5 years and although you didn't want to marry the guy or even get a cat with him, when he looks at you over over half melted Jamba Juice, and says, "You know...I just don't think this is going to work. It's not you, it's me. It's been great, "
You're sort of relieved because you know how it's going to end, but then it just sort of pisses you off that HE BROKE UP WITH YOU and he gets to keep the apartment and YOU'RE THE ONE who has to start Googling BLOGGING JOBS and thinking about how you're going to be able to afford your next root canal...or something.
Does that make sense?
So, that's how I feel. I understand, I'm cool with it, I see how it's better for both of us in the end...but finding enough freelance work to float me for the next few months is my main concern at the moment.
But like...Silicon Valley? Could you maybe SHARE all of the work you have with the rest of the world? Does blogging REALLY need to be done in an office? Can't you just fly me out every couple months, give me a free laptop or something, and then let me get on with the blogging from London? It really will benefit you in the long run.
Please, let me explain how.
See, while you're sleeping, I'M AWAKE. You're site will be guaranteed to have fresh content on it by the time you and all those returning visitors go back to your site first thing in the morning. PLUS, how IMPORTANT and SERIOUS will you look by having INTERNATIONAL CORESPONDENTS??
TRES. IT WILL LOOK TRES/MUCHO/A LOT IMPORTANT.
So, all I'm saying, San Francisco, is that you're very wealthy. You've got a lot of blogging jobs, but it would be better for you if you just shelled out the cash to pay some hot ass bloggers in sterling and let them telecommute from London Town.
Just think! I can get you all the latest news on what drugs Amy Winehouse did last night, who Russell Brand is boning this week, and what Heather Mills is lying about lately BEFORE all of your other US based bloggers. Time is on my side! You're 8 HOURS BEHIND ME. Do you know how many hits you could be getting in those 8 hours!?!?
TRES. YOU COULD BE GETTING TRES HITS.
I know I'm American and all, but all this means is that I know shit about TWO cultures! TWO! How many do you know about? It's probably like one and a half. I can talk about Richard Hammond and Miley Cyrus with equal ease. If you want me to be British, I can be British! I sleep with a British guy on a regular basis! I'll even lie and say I like Marmite. I'll throw in random 'u's in my spelling.
LioukeThious
But in all seriousness, Silicon Valley...San Francisco...California...The United States of America....
Where the hell else are you going to find those kind of qualifications?
I may not be whorish enough, *ironic* enough, or have a strong enough love for cocaine to be a part of Gawker, or perhaps friendly and perky enough to be a part of Sugar....but god dammit, I am all for settling and deal with disappointment and low pay very well.
Please. CALL ME.
Cate xx
PS. In all seriousness, if you have any blogging or freelance writing work done, please get in contact. PM me or my email is in the links on the side. Please? I'll send you a photo of my bra.
Okay. Trust me, this isn't being written out of bitterness. I am well aware that I do not run one of the 50 most powerful blogs in the world...yet.
HOWEVER.
Today, The Observer ran an article listing the apparent 50 most powerful blogs in the world, and it's the biggest load of crap ever to be written. Sorry, but it is.
For example, while I love The Huffington Post...it's not the the most powerful blog IN THE WORLD.
Some (most) of these blogs I have never even heard of, and the fact of the matter is, I'm a professional blogger, so I sort of spend a lot of time reading other blogs.
And seriously, as much as we all love Lolcats, would you really consider Icanhascheezburger the 8th most powerful blog IN THE WORLD??!
A lot of the usual suspects are on this list, such as Dooce, Boing Boing, Gawker and Perez Hilton (which I'm pretty sure, Observer, is two words...) but I wonder why Engadget is all the way at 16 after TMZ, when it's consistently number 1 on Technorati.
There are a couple other blogs that while I'm glad these folks have been added to the list, I fail to see how they're one of the most powerful blogs in the world. I'll just leave it at that, through fear of offending anyone.
However, I think the blog on this list that angers me the most rests at number 22...
Mother fucking Jezebel.
Firstly, how a blog that hasn't even been live for a year is the 22nd most powerful blog in the universe is beyond me.
Secondly, are you fucking joking?
I understand that Jezzie is a huge cash/hype cow for Gawker as they're the most popular mainstream blog out there that claims to be feminist and acts as though they're the first female bloggers ever to be paid to call bullshit on The Daily Mail or notice that female celebs are OMG AIRBRUSHED on the covers of fashion mags.
I understand that a lot of women love this blog and think it's the best thing since Lip Venom, but for realzies, I call bullshit.
BULLSHIT.
I know I'm probably supposed to keep my mouth shut through fear of committing professional suicide, but seeing as for the last year that they've been existence they've not once linked back to that blog I run, despite covering story after story after story that I, and a couple other feminist blogs, have covered before they did and act like it's a completely original piece, or only link back to people like The NY Times.
I'm not asking for much. All I'm asking is why they think they're above common blogging courtesy rituals and why they can't be bothered to do the polite and respectable thing and pull their well-manicured finger out of their coke encrusted nose for two seconds and LINK THE FUCK BACK TO US.
I get that most of this probably has to do with the fact that earlier last year I posted something calling bullshit on Gawker God N*** D***** for saying on his personal blog that "women must have finally discovered blogs" and that's why Jezebel was so popular.
All I said that I sincerely hope he was joking, or something to that affect, and the bastard must have Google Alerts set up on his name, as less than an hour later he fucking leaves me some stupid as comment letting me know that, um, HELLLO LITTLE GIRL, here at Gawker we're IRONIC and so me saying that was, like, IRONIC and stuff and GOD why don't you get a SENSE OF HUMOUR and wake up to how fucking IRONIC we are all the time.
Anyway.
Aside from my personal bitterness towards them, chew on this:
They have a regular feature called Pot Psychology where regular Jezebel contributor Slut Machine gets stoned with one of her friends,(probably some other Gawker dude that I don't know or give a shit about) and then video tapes her and her buddy answering Jezebel reader's questions whenever they can manage to stop laughing at how wildly hilarious they are for video taping themselves - STONED.
Look, if this were actually funny, I'd be down with it. But seriously? The entire time its' like you can tell that they can't even believe that they're, like, actually getting paid to do shit like that.
But anyway, I digress. It was this week's installment of Pot Psychology that really fucking pissed me off.
So, Slut Machine is stoned out of her mind and then they read aloud a question from a reader who asks if they need to do an enema before they have anal sex. Slut Machine responds that while she's mostly constipated all the time, she then goes on to let us know that, actually, every time she's done anal, she's just done "a lot of coke" first, and that usually "cleans her out". Plus she'd rather do "coke than have an enema any day".
But wait! There's more!
Another reader writes in to ask for advice because she's on anti-depressants and The Pill and has no sex drive. Immediately Slut Machine's stoned pal says, "I really don't think your qualified to give medical advice", but she gives it a go anyway. SM responds that there are "different forms of birth control besides the pill" and her friend interjects that The Rhythm Method works quite well.
Then she goes on to say that "I haven't been pregnant in a while...but the last time I was pregnant I was actually on The Pill" AND THEN MY EYES ROLLED INTO THE BACK OF MY HEAD AND I HAD TO STOP WATCHING.
Seriously?? SERIOUSLY???!?!!!?!
And BEFORE you lay into me about how she's JUST BEING IRONIC and GAWKER IS KNOWN FOR BEING IRONIC, please spare me. That girl is not witty or sober enough to pull off ironic, dry humor like that. Girlfriend was serious about that, and serious about taking coke as she regularly writes about her escapades about who she fucks and how they fucked and what drugs she took.
And, the thing about being pregnant. How can anyone possibly think of this blog as being powerful or informative and take them seriously when they write about "how, like, fucked up it is" that there are still people in the government that would like to see Roe vs Wade overturned when they have some dumbass writing about how she's had god knows how many abortions.
Hi Anti-Abortionists! Meet your new best friend!
Even scarier? All the commenters fucking love it. They write about how they "fucking love her" and how she's "fucking amazing" and how her "pregnancy joke" was so funny...um, not a joke Shirley!!!!
All in all, I find this list to be one massively long piece of shit. It's like they asked their team of 10 people it took to compile that list to just list off some blogs that they've heard of or blogs that they subscribe to their RSS feeds. Or does your friend edit that blog? Sweet, we'll add it to the list...
Also, may I just point out, that one of the morons that helped misquote me and a bunch of other women in their New Feminists piece that I was featured in helped write this. She who does not believe in interviewing people with tape recorder, but just writing down half of every third sentence they say with a pencil on a cocktail napkin.
All I'm sayin' is that maybe The Observer should have spent a little more time and thought and effort into WHO they should be crediting as being the most powerful blogs in the world. Jesus. Maybe I'll start doing my own videos featuring me after I've done crystal meth and then go talk to school children about abstinence only education. That'd be a hoot! Could I be powerful then, too?! DOING ILLEGAL DRUGS AND THEN GIVING ADVICE IS HILARIOUS.
WOW I HAVEN'T RANTED LIKE THAT IN A LONG TIME. Feeeeelllssss goooooood.
So, who would you have liked to have seen on the list?
If blog commenters had a business meeting...
Just got back from getting my root canal. This is the only thing that could possibly make me feel better.
Posted at 13:40 in blogging, internet commenter business meeting | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBack (0)
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